life is never a box of chocolates..

Done deal!

2006-07-01T10:21:00.000+08:00

So what happened to me since my deadline?

Haha! Still alive. Basically I rushed thru the transcripts yesterday at 1am slept at 3am plus and then woke up about 10am and got down to the grind only to end close to 4pm. I was just too relieved to finish! Should have seen the expression on my face =)))

After which, I was too exhausted to blog and I just didn't want to face the computer NO more! My mind was so tired. I merely sat down in front of the TV for less than half an hour and I konked off. Later, I had to give tuition.

So, being so exhausted and since my body clock is already screwed up, I watched the match between Germany and Argentina. Just before the 80th minute I though, Germany was gone but.. hey... there's still light at the end of the tunnel! Gosh. And they WON! I should have bet!!

So, the weekend has already arrived. I'm going to watch the Portugal vs England match tonight that's for sure as for the Brazil and France... erm... tough one too.

OKay. I'm going out soon. Need to get my specs repaired. Grr..

Going horizontal

2006-06-30T02:56:00.000+08:00

Oh. Just under an hour and a half I'm done with the second transcripts. WooHooo. I feel a little bit more motivated to continue but I think I'm better off horizontal for now.

Nites.

Motivate me Please!

2006-06-29T23:43:00.000+08:00

Okay. The report is done. As far as I know I never received feedback despite asking the lecturer a couple of times so I'll just pretend all is a-okay.

I finally completed 1 entire transcript. My post the other day regarding that transcript was left half done. There was little motivation to keep me going eventhough I had already typed more than 12 pages and still had a long way to go. I thought I'd just chuck it away and focus on other things first.

So, that 1 completed transcript took 4 hours to complete. I have to add that the most of the 4 hours I was at work with some other time people msning me and me checking email and taking a break of 20 mins for lunch. So actually I can finish in a much lesser time than that. But hey, won't you go crazy if you worked straight and had no rest?

Now, I'm left with 2 and a half transcripts to complete and the deadline is actually today together with the report but obviously, it hasn't been completed, so I have to finish as soon as possible. FREAK!

Up to this point I realised that the entire week bugged my body clock and possibly the immune system.

Monday I slept early, possibly after one of the soccer matches cos I was procrastinating on the work since the deadline was supposed to be Friday. Tuesday I started work in the afternoon and received a shock when the deadline was pushed earlier. So that night I didn't sleep till 5am rushing through whatever I could. Wednesday, I woke up at 10am, rushed to NP to meet the lecturer and got back about 2.30pm. I rested till about 6 plus. I woke up and frantically started work. So that didn't end till about 3am this morning. Today, I woke up at 10am, ate brekkie, went to the gym and then started work in the afternoon. The gym session really didn't help cos I wanted my body to wake up but it was actually screaming for more rest. Grr. I pushed on with work and did not complete till 530pm.

I have no idea what time I'm going to sleep later because... my body is more awake at night than in the day (which is bad). And, I have no idea when I'm gonna finish everything and get paid!

I want my weekend so no matter how, I'm gonna push on. I need motivation!

2006-06-29T02:25:00.000+08:00

Almost there. Breathe in, breathe out.

Call me crazy but I like to be stressed once in awhile cos everything will get moving otherwise procratination will come in.

3 more sets of transcripts to go. I pray hard the report doesn't bounce back at me. Please don't!..

Okay. Bed time. Gotta get up at 9am. Grrr.

2006-06-29T01:08:00.000+08:00

Oh just a little more.. just a little more. 17 hours to my DEADline.

I'd just have to push on, a little more. Just a little more.

2006-06-21T16:37:00.000+08:00

Okay. My attempt at completing my first transcript is no where in sight.

20 June 2006 : Started at .... not too sure what time but I sure took about 5 hours or so.
21 June 2006 : Continued at 130am lasted till 330am. (2 hours)
22 June 2006 : Continued at 1130am till 330pm (4 hours)
22 June 2006 : ...........

I can only say after so many many hours (11 hours or so) I'm perhaps only half way through. The video camera did not record the total time for the discussion and I think at the rate I'm going it was defintely more than 2 hours for the discussion. Gross.

I have another discussion to go later. Wish me luck on completing all the transcripts. In total I'll be having 4 to transcript and my deadline is next Wednesday. Looks like I'm doomed.

I don't only have the transcripts to complete but other side work as well. Time flies too quickly. I haven't recovered from my flu and cough, occasionally popping the medicine but I don't have the time to sleep so how to recover? No time to eat also.. so how?

I should be heading out soon for a meeting in a couple of minutes. Thank God the campus is just around the corner or I'd really go crazy too soon.

Oh wells, I'd have to continue tonight, looks like another night with minimal sleep. I'm optimistic here. At least I said, MINIMAL. Whether I'd get any is a another very good question.

And ya! I should blog about the dinner date huh. Wait awhile la. No time now.

2006-06-20T18:15:00.000+08:00

Oh. Looks like I'd be blogging about my progress with the tanscripts and report writing that I've got myself into. Shucks.

Just an update from my previous post where I've been transcripting the first discussion. I am NO WHERE near to completing and I have to get it done by tomorrow morning plus an additional set of work just ordered and given to me to complete by 1am tonight.

Best part. I am going out for dinner date!

No need to sleep tonight already. I'll keep updating my progess.

Off to dinner!

2006-06-20T14:08:00.000+08:00

Transcripting a discussion of 2 hours is really no joke. I had a discussion held last night and I was engaged to transcript the entire discussion and I am really no where near completing. Sulks.

What's better is that I have another 3 or 4 more discussions that will be happening over the next few days to transcript as well and finally a report to finish it all. I guess all the other distractions e.g. surfing the net, chatting on MSN seems to be of more interest than completing my work asap. Looks like I'd have to burn the entire night if I don't complete this at least by tomorrow morning. Thank goodness there is no discussion held tonight or else I could just be dead?! However, the next few nights I definitely won't have fun cos I'd have to go thru video-taping the entire discussion and then transcript them.

Thank God, I'm getting paid for it, otherwise I might just go bonk.. bonk.. bonkers.. Okay. I'm getting lame.

It's back to the grind then.

2006-06-19T13:50:00.000+08:00

Yes, yes. I haven't blogged for awhile only cos there hasn't been anything of much interest to blog about. Or even if I had, I'd just keep it within cos I really don't know who's been visiting my blog. The blog meter increases pretty steadily and it leads me to wonder who are the "spies" as my brother would call it.

So far my holidays have been alrite, I guess nothing drastic has happened apart from the results which I shall not talk about. Working life seems pretty good when you know the moolah is coming in, but disappears even quicker. I enjoy working, of cos the company and colleagues matter as well.

Today, I'm just catching up with sleep since the dry cough has hit me. I've not caught the World Cup fever not too worry, I pretty much guess my immune system is down and haven't been better all this while. Unfortunately, I can't really sleep and I'm just not sure why.

Okay, until I have something more exciting and less random to blog about, I'd be back.

2006-06-02T16:51:00.000+08:00

Oh my the weather is atrocious and it doesn't help when I'm really not well. I feel like putting my fingers into m mouth and down my throat to scratch it. Its super itchy and so I'm trying to cough and cough.

My regular doctor near my place is closed half a day, in the afternoons every Friday so looks like I'd have to wait till tomorrow. In the meantime it looks like I'd have to make do with consuming whatever cough mixture there is in the fridge. Yes, I'm stubborn. Tell me about it.

Mummy's birthday celebration was okay. Had dinner with aunt, grandma, cousin, brother and mum. I wasn't in the best of moods so I just drank my soup and ate my rice. I really did not want to eat anything else. The rest of the night was spent watching the idol, slacking at home and chatting on the phone until I had to head to bed.

Oh wells. The weekend is almost here. Feels goooooooooD!

2006-06-01T17:19:00.000+08:00

A couple of eggs are boiling right now cos my little stomach has been screaming for some food for awhile. Earlier, I had to take some cough mixture to try and cure my itchy throat and I think it did work cos I napped earlier.

Anyways, last night about 9pm my aunt rings the house phone and wanted to speak to my mum. So while mum was on the phone, mum was surprised and so was I when we heard that my grandma was back. Minutes after the phone call, mum and I zipped out of the house and went to aunt's house cos grandma was going to my aunt's place.

You wanna know what's more interesting? My grandma calls my aunt at the airport all excited and surprised my poor aunty who was about to tuck herself into bed. She shocked my aunt by saying that she was at the airport and that she had no money. Well, that was all fine but the best part was my grandma doesn't know where my aunt stays. So my aunt repeatedly told her Blk 3*1 Clementi Avenue $.

So my grandma hops into the cab and obviously gave the wrong address to the cab driver. My mum, aunty and I were waiting for like an hour for my grandma but she was no where in sight. My aunt ran back home and checked her house fone, listened to her messages on the voicemail and realised that my grandma was somewhere around cos the cab driver dropped her at some coffeeshop. So we went finding for my grandma and not long after we found her.

My aunt says she takes her hat off to my grandma cos she could go to another country and at the same time not knowing where to go. It's really ironic but true. My grandma has played these tricks many many times and I think she's capable of more as long as her legs can take her.

My night ended close to 1am, thankfully I had no work today but for mum, she had to head straight to bed. I came back home, showered because it was just totally warm and humid and then head straight to bed with the air con on.

I forsee my next few days being occupied. Might be having dinner at aunt's place where my granny is cooking.

2006-05-30T12:19:00.000+08:00

I'm down with the flu, fever and sore throat which is prett common these days since the weather has been changing quite a whole lot. So because I'm not well, I decided this morning that I didn't want to go to work. To begin with, people in the office have all been falling sick so I suspect that the air within the office is filled with all sorts of viruses and germs. So it was only time that I'd get sick too.

Mum is coming back today, hopefully with all my goodies so that I'd be perked up.

I haven't really been the best of myself, I think a few know that. I'm trying hard to keep moving on and be a little more positive. Right now blaming anybody would be the last thing to do since it's just not logical to. I'd just have to push on, smile a little more and since it's still the holidays, enjoy it a bit more as well.

Off to eat my bread and butter, pop medicine and vitamins and head to la la land or watch some teevee. Feels good to be at home doing nothing much once in awhile!

2006-05-24T18:11:00.000+08:00

So the days pass pretty quickly these days probably cos I've been sleeping much much earlier than I usually do. I mean, more hours of a good night's rest is worth it when you don't feel so tired. True. It's the end of the work day, tomorrow is Thursday and before anyone can remind me, it'll be the weekend soon after.

My last few weekends were not too bad. Great time spent with catching up on more rest, watching vcd's and just passing the time tho I'd wish it'll pass a little slower. I'm looking forward to a great weekend ahead as well. I'm just appreciating the time that I have at hand and not thinking too far or too much about what's to come. I realised dwelling on spilt milk isn't going to help, and especially with the help of loved ones and everyone else, I'm sure life will be much brighter.

I just need to keep thinking that God has a plan for me, whether I like it or not. A plan may not be in my favour, (I guess most of the time for many), but life is such. If I am going to give up now, what have I gained? If I don't try again, how would I know how much further can I go on. ...

I continue to ask more....

2006-05-03T13:06:00.000+08:00

This morning as I was going to work, I saw a poor MacDonald's Delivery man lying on the ground. His motorcycle lying flat on the road and a couple of cars stopped plus the crowd just building to see what had happened. The minute I saw the poor guy, I thought and asked myself if he was okay. Well, he was until I told my colleagues who were in the car that his left ankle was twisted.

At that instant, my heart dropped. For the next few minutes and hours, I thought to myself that life is so fragile. I've heard of so many people who were involved in motorbike accidents, many who don't survive the crash as well. One wrong turn and a balance disequilibrium would instantly take a life a way.

Things like these remind me so often not to take people for granted. Especially the ones closest to me. Life really is too short and once it's gone, a thousand '"sorry's" or more will never bring the person back.

It took me awhile, in my sleepy state to sms someone, telling him about this.

For all, I have just a sentence to say, Cherish and appreciate the people around you, for you won't know when the time will come.

2006-04-25T14:22:00.000+08:00

I simply cannot resist blogging during working hours. Of course, I'm blogging whilst at work only cos the computer is my only form of entertainment, of which most of my time spent is surf blogging.

The entire morning I was running around the finance department, ploughing thru tons of files and finance-related documents. It's not entirely boring but monotonous especially to stare at numbers the entire day. By the time lunch came, I was ready to eat a cow. Hungry I was I had my lunch at a nearby cafeteria but the food was atrocious. Oh wells. I was only eating to fill the empty stomach with food obviously not enjoying much of it.

It's past 2, I'm waiting for time to fly! Literally FLY!

2006-04-21T22:34:00.000+08:00

Think about it.

What's the most painful experience in your life and the happiest time ever?

What made you feel the way you felt?

2006-04-18T23:31:00.000+08:00

Mum just reminded to take my medicine, flood my system with vitamins and water. I dislike taking medicine. Almost every other month I've got to take some medicine for something or another. Previously it was my bad migranes and now for the cyst on my ear. My poor livers and kidneys will have to work a little harder to clear my system from all that medicine, I s'pose. Mum cooked chicken stew, a little like chicken soup, with some spice added basically. So that was dinner.

Nothing much to do at home now. I'm getting quite bored actually. Never mind, tomorrow I think I'd be a little more occupied. Maybe I should go window shopping a little before I give tuition and send my 2 pairs of heels to the cobbler to get the soles replaced.

What is there on teevee tonite? Hmm. I'm getting bored from the internet and the teevee. Looking forward to working soon. Whee!

2006-04-18T15:56:00.000+08:00

So I was spared. No surgery. Doctor said no need but I have to take antibiotics and if I don't get better then no choice will have to surgically remove it. Phew.

Lunch was good. Good company with lecturer, as usual. He never fails to amuse me with all his jokes, crude or not. Strangely, we talk about weird and not-so-normal stuff, things that should not be discussed with lecturers! haha. Oh wells, he's my ex-lecturer.

Going to nap awhile. Woke up early cos I went for a second opinion at the polyclinic which made me wait all morning just to see the doctor. It's terrible cos all the old people and blood donors and kids had priority to go first! So unfair.

Oh wells. Nothing is fair.

2006-04-18T00:24:00.000+08:00

So I went to the doctor and minutes later I had a referral to SGH for a day surgery later today to remove the cyst on my earlobe. Mum is reluctant to pay the very expensive consultation, procedure and medicine at SGH so she suggested going to the polyclinic to get the cyst drained.

There goes my morning at least queueing up to see the doctor. I hope it doesn't take too long to get that thing out of my ear, cos it freaking hurts and its growing. Scary la.

I made my new specs today too. Finally after so long together with an increased in degree too. So I'll get them on Thurs and till then I'd continue to use this pair which doesn't sit very well on my nose bridge anymore. I'm not entirely looking forward to wearing the new pair cos I was getting all giddy just now when the optician was testing my eyes with all that lenses.

Meantime, I'm just occupying myself with whatever I can do and hopefully the days pass quick enough so that I can see you.

2006-04-17T11:05:00.000+08:00

It is time to pick up the book which I left unfinished 3 and a half months ago. When school started, I focused on studying hard and whatever storybooks that I was reading was left aside. Now, when I'm feeling all lost because the stress levels has gone down tremendously and it's the holidays, I'd just have to find other things that will occupy my mind.

Exams ended on Saturday. Indeed, a great feeling! Felt like a princess yesterday, painted nails plus window shopping... felt great.

Today I planned to have lunch with dad, but he is not answering his phone so I'm quite reluctant to move. I'll have to visit the doctor soon cos of the infection on my ear that's really hurting. I need to make a new pair of specs plus give tuition! Whee.

I'm looking forward to lunch tomorrow with the lecturer in NP. It's been a long time and since I'm an ex student, I'm treated as tho I'm his friend. It's pretty surprising how we communicate as I never imagined that coming from someone whom I've always had loads of respect for. But it's all fun and good!

At the moment, its time for me to just wind down and have some fun, relax and enjoy the luxury of time. =)

2006-04-12T10:31:00.000+08:00

Yepps. So I'm midway my exams, 2 papers down another 2 to go. So looking forward to the end, sadly I'd have to mug thru Good Friday which I am reluctant to, but have got no choice.

So this morning I woke up a little later than my usual, plenty of dreams occured in my sleep last night. So exciting to find myself in a foreign land, celebrating someone's wedding or something, guess I'm looking forward to the excitement of the holidays! Whee.

As I'm waiting for my breakfast, which is just my usual bread and soft-boiled eggs to be prepared, I'm quite hesitant continue studying for law, but I'd have too. Oh wells, another few more days as I constantly remind myself.

A quote to share with all esp those who are still in the exams mode, " Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you'll land among the stars. " ~ Les Brown

2006-04-05T23:58:00.000+08:00

I miss my Daddy and I miss you.

Can't wait for exams to end!

2006-03-30T23:16:00.000+08:00

A card that Winnie gave me for my 21st which had the following.

"God has not promised skies always blue,

flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;

God has not promised sun without rain,

joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God has promised strength for the day,

rest of the labour, light for the way,

grace for the trials, help from above,

unfailing sympathy, undying love." ~ Kristone

Nice rite? Love it.

2006-03-30T18:48:00.000+08:00

The end is eminent. The final lap coming so soon is hard to believe. 12 weeks have passed, and the 13th about to end as well. It is quite scary how time flies so fast. Unbelievable but true.

Just as I promised myself a few things before the term started and now that the term is about to end, I look up and say, I thank you.

It's a couple more days to struggle, be in pain and suffer and then, at the end, the joy will come as I will have my celebrations with the kids in Church in Easter Vigil. That story, is also a long one. Teaching them for the last year has been a challenge, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. This had been the first time I shared my closest story to the class, in one of the earliest lessons only for something different to happen the next day. Perhaps, I did not blog or share about it here but it remains etched deep down in my heart for the matters of my family changed dramatically, not too sure for the better or for the worse after I shared. God must have heard.

So, as I will soon celebrate my end to the semester in a couple of days time, smiles of joy will be shared and tears of happiness will be on my face on that night. For now, I'll just let the good Lord work in their hearts till the day the Lord calls them his own children.

2006-03-29T00:04:00.000+08:00

So my brother wanted to cycle just a couple of minutes ago but his hopes were dashed as he found his bike missing, or in other words gone!

Sad, he came back home and said "The bike is gone". At that instance, I thought he was pulling my leg, then I thought to myself that if it was true that the bike was gone, he would have really come back home. Then, I felt something was amiss.

Went into my room where mum was preparing to sleep and I randomly commented that Keith's bike is gone. She was like huh? I said ya.

I went to my brother's room, which was blasting with music and asked once more if it was true the bike was gone. He said ya. Mum walked in and asked the same question. Immediately, mum's response was, "Go and report to security." Keith's reaction was what is the point of reporting? They can't do anything! Which I say is true.

I just got back from reporting the incident to the guards in hope they will step up their rounds and be more aware that if one such incident can happen, many more will and can happen in due time. My brother's bike is very ordinary with no fluffs or accessories. This is where I don't understand because there were other bikes that appeared to be more expensive and had all the different bike accessories fixed up.

As Keith said, this is his second bike. Stolen.

2006-03-26T23:51:00.000+08:00

I hate this life I'm living.
Sick and tired of all that is happening.
Down and out.
Unfazed by all the happenings.
Exhaustion is kicking in.
Too many headaches.
Pushed to my limits
Unsure how far more I'd go.

Where were you when I need you the most?
No where near.
Where were you when I need a shoulder to cry on?
Very far away.
Where were you when I wanted to hear, just you?
..........

I'm tired of living this life.
Bring me to a place that I'd find more
More happiness
Less tortures
Or maybe no more pain and suffering.
Which is, definitely IMPOSSIBLE.

For God said he wouldn't provide a bed of roses. But will be there, no matter what.
He promised sunlight after the rain.
If he puts you to it, he'll see you through it.

Encouraging. I can only depend on God.

2006-03-18T09:49:00.000+08:00

It is definitely unusual for me to be sitting at home, in front of my laptop on a Saturday morning cos usually I'm out teaching. Since it is the school holidays, the kids have all gone for their holidays! So, it's a well deserved break for me.

Pretty exhausted from all that has happened thru the week. The only good thing is that most of my major activities (can't find any other wod to describe) has more or less ended. I'm left with 2 more assignments and I'd be free like a bird. Free? Obviously can't say it's true.. I have to study for finals and after that I can really proclaim that I'm a bird.

The week passed by fairly quickly, now that I think back. One of my most horrendous week ever but can't be helped since its the hectic period of the semester. Needless to say, some of my friends are still at their projects, etc... so... I'm quite glad mine's over.

With you not around, but your consistent phone calls has made me find the little strength and energy to push on. I thank you for that.

For others, who have been there with me, giving your cares and concerns, I really appreciate it and only then, I know who my true friends are. =)

It's the weekend, I'm going unwind today and it'll be back to all the work tomorrow. Body needs a rest, so does the mind and hopefully the energy comes back for the new week.

Take care peeps and have a good weekend.

2006-03-15T22:59:00.000+08:00

Right! I'm dead beat!

Today was one horrible, long and terribly utterly sick day! 2 test plus 2 assignments! Tell me what school life is about.

I'm sleepy now. But wanna watch my ER tonite. I missed it last week cos I was talking to you on the phone till late plus chatting till I forgot all about it. Oh wells. The show better be good cos I'd rather sleep!

Whee! Yesterday evening, spoke to Jan for awhile. You better call me more often la. Otherwise I'd be non-existant in your life very soon! Heeee!

Okay. That's all the update for now!

2006-03-13T14:53:00.000+08:00

It's getting crazy. YES. I am going crazy. Well, if you know me, you'd know it is madness week this week. Of course I've lamented enough unfortunately, it hasn't been enough for me.

Okay. My msn nick has been attracting quite a lot of attention. "I'm going bonkers say the doctor". Well I went to see the doctor the other day, like I've mentioned and he did tell me that if my head continues to hurt, I'd have to go for scans and tests. Don't get worried now... head hasn't been hurting that much though I feel my entire body feels so tensed. Les, adviced me to go for a javanese massage and I said YAH when I have the time. For now, I'd just have to make do with my own arms massaging my shoulders or ask my brother to press my shoulders!

For now, apart from my exams, I'm looking forward to my Retreat in June. HA! Hopefully I survive by then!

2006-03-10T14:39:00.000+08:00

My head is filled with a zillion of thoughts. Not too sure if I'm just thinking too much or it's just me being myself.

I'm pretty tired with school and everything around me. My energy levels are just decreasing to a stage where I can't quite think properly anymore and all I think about when the day comes to an end but I still need to do my work is sleep. Needless to say, the upcoming week is going to be bad. But with faith and God's strength, I'm sure all things are possible.

It's not that I have nothing to do now that I am blogging. More like, I'm just sick and tired of all that is happening within me. Guess, its partly cos of school and my health. Yes, I know my health is indeed more important than anything else but how to not worry when there are so many things that needs immediate attention. Seems as though each semester in my first year of university is indeed that stressful, thus contributing much income to the doctors and toxicating myself with medicine to kill all the pain.

I was grouchy last nite, before he called me. I don't understand why boys cannot grow up and think more logically. Having given the opportunity to my brother to work at the IT show, he simply just could not see through the four days. At the instance, when my fren smsed me to tell me about my brother and what action they have taken, I felt 1) very embarrassed to have such a brother; 2) disappointed with myself and my brother and 3) I was just lost of words and had no choice but to apologise. I really wish he WAKES up soon! Well, no point in being angry or disappointed, but this has made me feel like a parent. I now know what it is like to embarrassed my mum or dad when I am told to do something, yet don't fulfill them dutifully as a child. I'm just gonna let mum talk to him.

I wish I can go Batam this Sunday for Community Outreach. Sadly, being swarmed with tons of work, I turned the opportunity down. This is the second time I've decided to spend my time studying and completing my work than to go and help the poor in Batam. I pray the next time I have the opportunity, I WILL go. Life is too short to just sit around and be stressed over work, specifically, school work or other forms of work that you're doing that drains all your energy. Go out and see the many many poor people, innocent and suffering for a life that I pray would become better. I always say, the people who suffer the most are the ones who live life to the fullest. They have been put to many tests; hunger, suffering, thirst, a livelihood which people in a certain part of the world don't go through. That's why, if you know me well, you know what I try and do every Saturday afternoon. I've grown to love what I've been doing. So, if one can help these not so well off people in their course of life, it benefits us too. As it says, it is in giving that one receives.

Lastly, before I take my leave to go and mug even more. I miss all the people who are closest in my life. Dad and you. And to all my friends, thank you for always being there to listen to my crap, Vanessa is just highly stressed!!

2006-03-09T22:58:00.000+08:00

=)....

He called me.... =) even more!!!! 6 minutes phone call better than nothing since I've been waiting so patiently next to the phone.

No can concentrate on work already! Heeee =)

2006-03-07T23:42:00.000+08:00

The week started off with mugging and more mugging for a test I had earlier this evening. That was enough to kill all my brain cells to do any mugging tonight. I'm going to have an early night as the doctor said I needed more rest. I retorted and asked him how to when I have a test to study for (I visited him last night). Luckily he sympathised with me or else.....

So, couple more days. We will see what's to come in the next few days too. Hope all will be well.

Meantime, Vanessa is out!

2006-03-04T20:01:00.000+08:00

Reading your entry made my lips twitch a bit to make me smile. The tired and expressionless face just did not think that I'd be happy to read what you typed on your blog. However, I guess, it's all within the heart.

Days pass so quickly, next thing you know.. the time will come.. though I tell myself not to think about it, I can't help but have a thought about how things will be in the days to come. I'm definitely not looking forward to it, it's as though I'm leaving for Australia for good, where we won't be so close anymore in terms of distance... However, I'm being optimistic as others have gone thru it so I know it is possible to survive it thru. I've gone far away for a long time too a couple of times but why does this seem to be so different? I think only you can answer.

I'm stressed these days. I've been getting endless headaches this entire week coupled with some tummyache's along the way. My left ear has been hurting, as though something is hitting against my ear drum which hurts real bad thus affecting my balance causing a whole lot of headaches. Yes, I must see the doctor soon.. my usual reason for now is that.. I'm too busy.

Couple of weeks more of torture as I described to my mum last nite on the remaining semester in school. I seriously do not understand how people enjoy school so much when you are put thru so much "torture" as I call it. Wells, guess we're all different individuals with different capabilities, therefore.. some learn things easier while others struggle. I shall be optimistic and pray that the couple of "torturous" weeks will go well for me.

Going to rest my exploding head now.

2006-02-28T20:49:00.000+08:00

Amidst my BGS lesson this evening, dear Karen was surfing blogs of food which got me hungry. Next thing I did was to sms my mum to cook tonite. Her reply was HUH? HA! That startled me for 2 seconds. I replied.. please cook soup tonite.

The only reason why I did that was for those who know me well enough will know that I love soup. Secondly, I'm falling sick. So all I wanna drink is soup, to be more specific soup by my mummy.

So, she just came back home not long ago and now she is cooking. I love my mummy!

Ha. Anyway, Karen.. thanks for all your help along the way in the journey called life. Always know that your friends will always be here.

Okay. its back to mugging for calculus in preparation for test tomorrow. I'm falling sick but also no choice have to push on. I just pray for strength and guidance, will have to work hard for now.

2006-02-26T23:21:00.000+08:00

Coming home from church this evening, I went to say hello to mum only to see her clearing documents which had slowly discoloured over the years and spots of yellow all over the papers. So we were chatting, a rare opportunity since mum is always busy with work or watching tv on a Sunday evening. Moments later she took out a full scap paper which looked as though it survived through the days of the fire in my all time favourite house and flipped to the first page. It read :

"I paged you so many times papa to say good bye" ~ Love vanny.

Just after, I laughed thinking about when I ever wrote such a statement to my dad. Next thing I knew, I shed a tear. Keith was on the bed, he perhaps saw it. Thinking harder, I must have written that eons ago, looking at the state of the full scap paper and the use of a pager which probably is extinct. Just then, thought of when I would have ever thought of writing such things sparked memories that will be unforgotten for a lifetime. Of cos, mum did not ask any more questions, she could probably relate what occasion or event was taking place at that time. But, this thought has just been on my mind for the entire evening. I doubt my dad even read the note. I'm not sure.

Such small small things bring back too many precious times of pain and joy. Have you ever experienced such with someone you love so much?

2006-02-25T18:40:00.000+08:00

In school.. supposed to be doing proper work, but somehow, when the computer is switched on, the priorities change. But not too bad, managed to 50% complete what I wanted to! Sigh. not much of an achievement actually. Looks like tonite will have to work hard plus tomorrow. So, there goes the weekend.

Actually, I'm all excited about going to have dinner in a couple of minutes. I'm about to leave Uni to meet my dearest fren and some others. Guess this break week has past fast enough. I just wanna enjoy.. I'd have to endure a few more weeks anyway to have that freedom...

Okay. I'm outs.

2006-02-24T11:45:00.000+08:00

So for many of the local university students, its back to school come Monday. Thus far, the week has flown by too quickly I feel. Waking up at half past 11 this morning fel super great for my tired body. I only hope that things get better when school reopens, which only means that I have loads to catch up before Monday dawns upon me.

If you ask me what I was feeling and doing over the last couple of days, I think I'd say killing my poor brain cells somewhere, trying to complete as much revision as possible, but obviously, time is never on my side. Oh wells.

Needless to say, rest is well... not very sufficient. So... sigh.

Enjoy your weekend peeps!

2006-02-21T00:46:00.000+08:00

I was so glad to have attended mass at St. Mary's on Sunday, despite having to take a cab there, I was very happy I made the right choice to attend mass there.

Those couple of nights when I was just thinking too much, I left my thoughts to the Lord. I realised, I am weak in certain areas though many say I appear strong. Well, my heart is probably weak but nevertheless, it only makes one stronger. Listening to homily, and the story that Father shared really struck me somehow, to start thinking of him again. Father mentioned about healing and forgiveness; things that are so hard for us, human beings to follow through. Nevertheless, the homily was just beautiful, hence one of my few reasons I love attending St Mary's.

In the bulletin for that day, Father wrote about Friends and what constitutes a real friendship. It is indeed very interesting and even more made me think. But what was even better is a short description of what simple versus real friends are. So, I'd share this here of cos written by Father too.

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from tears.

A simple friend doesnt know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his/her address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after he/she has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A simple friend seeks to talk wth you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A simple friend thinks friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

2006-02-18T22:19:00.000+08:00

What is the most painful experience that you've ever felt?

The lost of a love one? Having no money? Shelterless and ignored? Loneliness? Being discriminated? Being cursed and swore at?

There are just too many reasons that we can think of. I'm sure we've felt life being very painful sometimes. Times when we just do not know what is next to come or if we would live to see what happens next. Yes, life at times can be difficult.

I've just been thinking too much these days. My msn nick would tell of how I've been feeling actually. And yes, I feel painful. I feel a loss of something or someone, but I do not know how to express it.

If I would listen to the song I Would Give Everything I Own by Bread, I'd really break down. The playlist on my media player hasn't changed and the songs repeats too many times for me to remember someone whom I deeply appreciate now being so far from him. I recall the days when I refuse to talk to him over small issues or that I just could not stand talking to him, the many times when I could not understand why he behaved such a way, why things had to be this way and how he thinks. There were too many days he cooked and I never appreciated it cos it tasted bad(in my opinion), dozens of times when I had no choice but to attend his TKD lessons and get scolded for not listening. These days, he is not what I perceived him to be all because of my childish and immature mentality. The very day he called me to tell him that he loves me, no matter the circumstance which was cos school was horrible, was one to be remembered for a lifetime. When he calls too often, I know he is near... thinking of me.

To all my dear friends, appreciate what you really have. It is only when we lose what we truly have that we know what we had. It is very true.

8 months past, how often have I seen him? I only have myself to blame.

As I miss him so much, I do not know how to show my affection to him. I called him but the words were too difficult to come out. I don't know what to say and how to say it. I only hope he knows I miss him and above all, love him through it all.

2006-02-17T21:21:00.000+08:00

The crazy week has ended!! It has ENDED!!

I feel so relieved. It's been 2 weeks of hell, with this week being the worst. Before I got into the hectic two weeks, my friends and I predicted, we will not be able to sleep for many many days! Unfortunately, or rather fortunately, somehow or another, even when the week was so hectic, I still had time to sleep, at least 5 hours. Guess, preparation for certain modules started pretty early and so, as it all went along, things began to fall in place. Sleep was not forsaken.

However, I feel really vexed. Exhausted mind and body. But, the start of the mid-term break is definitely timely! Time to catch up on sleep, reading and projects! I'm definitely gonna try and do nothing but vegetate on one of these days! Time to breathe and appreciate the less hectic life for awhile.

One more to go; tomorrow's lesson to teach in church... almost coming to the end of faith formation lessons. Soon RCIY would start and that will be all tough with training sessions that I'd be conducting and many more administrative meetings to go thru.

Okay. I'm getting all blur.. eyes hurting. I'd try blog more during the week.

So thankful

2006-02-12T16:23:00.000+08:00

Just had a sudden urge to pen down a few words, to let this day be remembered for a long time despite being busy with my report.

I just got reminded by Priscilla about being so thankful for having our circle of girls in school. Somehow, we're all so thankful and blessed that we help each other along the way. Some are good at certain subjects and some not. So, we help each other.

To Yi Ling, Calin, Priscilla, Amelia, Clara, Karen, Mei Yen, Rosemarie and to too many more who have been all so helpful and working together for everything that concerns school. You all make learning so much more fun!

To add on, my MA, Law, BGS groups all rock!! Somehow another, we really just make projects more enjoyable and interesting!

Yi Ling always say, "Let's help each other succeed in life!" Think about it. =)

Let's keep this semester going, which will end very soon!! Let's all work together for success.

2006-02-08T21:05:00.000+08:00

Everyone came back home by 9pm. When I got back half an hour ago, the house was pitched dark. One tired Vanessa had just wanted to eat and intentionally wanted to sleep too. Unfortunately, it did not happen. I'm blogging now, which explains that I'm online and I have to check my emails and do what ever I need to do online before I get off and mug again.

The week has been hectic anf tiring. Too tired really. My eyes have been red.. which further explains my tiredness and uninterested expressions for anything. The day passed too quickly too sit around wondering what next to do. My Wednesday was just terribly busy.

Ok. Just wanted to do a short update. So.. till the next time take care.

Magic Update!

2006-02-07T09:45:00.000+08:00

The work week has started!! How has it been for everyone? Good I s'pose.

Anyway, mine was one hectic day yesterday. Due to my project submission at 830am, I was still up till 2plus completing the project. Therefore, leaving me with very little sleep. The day went past with a struggle to stay awake. Frequent breaks in between studying and many many mistakes made along the way. Guess when we're tired, our body just refuses to focus and concentrate. For that, i came home. Did what I needed to do and headed right to bed with my heavy eyelids beckoning.

I wanted to blog yesterday, due to my exhaustive body, I decided not too.

Remember my post on Mondo Magic? And if you've been reading my tagboard you'd have noticed some interesting things going around? Wells, AXN-Asia has indeed linked up that post of mine to their website. It is so cool!

Go check it out at http://www.axn-asia.com/news/2006/02/06/its-a-kind-of-magic.html.

So. That was the excitement for last week. I don't know how they found out about my blog. It's probably just mere coincidence I s'pose!

Alrites! Heading to uni soon. No time to waste. Have to mug and mug!!

2006-02-05T22:08:00.000+08:00

I'm freaking annoyed and tired!

The whole Sunday spent doing Creative Thinking. Taking the photos and editting them is about to kill me!

I'm waiting for Mr Jeremiah to get home and help me do the editting for the remaining pictures and then put them in a slideshow. My back is about to break!

Anyways. You'd notice the blogskin changed. Yes! I have been getting several feedback that there is insufficient bandwidth for the background plus some problem with photobucket. After much analysis, I think it's the background that had some problem on certain computers because I could view my blog perfectly fine. Nevertheless, will use this skin for the meantime.

OKay gotta get back to the pictures and prepare for the presentation tomorrow!

Hearts Connect!

2006-02-04T00:53:00.000+08:00

Dad: hey sweetie, how are you what have you been doing?
Me: Busy. Very tired.
Dad: Why you sound so down? What happened?
Me: Nothing. Busy with school work. Very tired
Dad: Okok. I know you're studying very hard.
Me: Mmm
Dad: Dun worry. Papa loves you. Even if no one is there, I still love you. Alrite?
Me: Oh okay
Dad: I'll be here when you need me okay?
Me: Okay.
Dad: Take care
Me: Ok. You too.

A conversation with my daddy not too long ago when he called Tyrone and passed the phone over to me. Somehow, the phone call brought back too many memories. I never remember my father saying explicitly he loves me. I shed a tear.

Just goes to show that, no matter how far, no matter what has taken us apart, no matter the circumstances, my father still loves all his children. Wished we were never apart and wished things were different. I love you, pa.

Time is too precious

2006-02-03T20:46:00.000+08:00

Freak! I'm so tired. I cannot imagine how my next 2 weeks are going to be.

This week, I had 2 days of school but its bad enough. Trying to finish capturing all my shots for my creative thinking module and presentation due on Monday plus a report of it. So, yesterday, I did some shots and later I have to do some otherwise I'm doomed.

I don't wanna think about next week, really. Monday I have an assignment to hand up, finish my Calculus assignment and Analytical Skills assignment by Wednesday and read my Accounting followed by Law test on Friday! Don't ask me how I'm going to cope because, I have no answer as of now. If you think this is bad, the following week is worse.

Here goes....the following week, I have AS assignment due on Monday.. this assignment is going to be a challenge, Tues I have a case study to turn in, Wed, hand up my weekly Calculus Assignment plus my Accounting presentation.

After that, I have more projects to turn in... gosh. I don't even want to think about it. How to celebrate Valentine's Day like that? Looks like, it will be spent in school with the books and computer. Freak!

So, people reading this, please pray for me! Pray that I have strength to push on each day. School work is bad, I don't even want to think about Church work. It's going to be too taxing. Already, I won't be going for the social nite tomorrow. I have to edit my pictures and get my Calculus assignment done before anything else. I wanna rest and catch up on work on Sunday. I pray that I have the energy.

Thank God, I have some time to blog now and update all on my hectic life. God bless me, please!

Blessed!

2006-01-31T22:58:00.000+08:00

Whee! The end of January is eminent. I cannot believe it. It has been 4 weeks of school already. Time passes too quickly to sit and even think back what happened couple of years ago or whatsoever.

Yesterday, went to Aunt's place for lunch. It came to a surprise that my aunt is selling her house for a simple reason. That is to get out of this "shit hole". My brother even affirmed the statement when aunt said that. So, she and her husband has plans to get out of the country. So, their topic most of the time whilst I was there was migration to Australia. I'm so envious. People so close to me will know how much I wanna get out of SG and move out to somewhere else. Uncle was asking... so how is Queensland? I said beautiful... I definitely will move out of this place soon!

Just got back from my babysitter's house. She looked after me and my brothers (more of me, since I was the eldest). I really enjoy going to her place because... they are Cantonese and it is definite that they will have cooked soup! It was definitely true too! I enjoyed the food and these days, I'm not so frightened to aunty anymore. We were reminscing how fearful I was of her while she was taking care of me and all the funny stories of my growing up years. So good to sit, listen and laugh. Now that I'm big, I can defend myself. So when aunty has something to say, I can try and 'protect' myself. Hee.

Back to school tomorrow. It is dreadful. The day will start with a test tomorrow, the first day of February followed by Calculus in the afternoon. Pretty long day ahead.

I shall complain no more. In fact I have so much to thank the Lord for. Sitting at babysitter's house, I felt so blessed. So blessed that I felt a peaceful feeling in my heart. When I came back home, I was just mentioning to mom, "no money"... she replied, we are all blessed in other ways. Yes I believe that's true. We may not be rich but if we can be happy, that we can thank the Lord. I affirm that! Life is too short; be happy and be contented with what we have. Amen!

Reminscing..

2006-01-30T20:10:00.000+08:00

I am half studying for my upcomg test and at the same time, chatting online and surfing the net. How unhealthy. I have nothing much to do anyway. I wanna finish studying the entire 2 chapters for my test on Wednesday by tonite and hopefully I can.

Just looking at the date, it was a year ago that some sad things happened. This whole month of January, I've been reminscing what occured last year, in my last relationship. It was too short, thus the ability to think and recall what happened. Over prata with Josh a couple of nites ago, we were mentioning that it was a year ago that we went to Choice. And so, when he made that comment, I started recalling what happened in the entire month of January. I had a wonderful start to the year with someone, I went to Sabah with my poly mates, went to the Choice retreat with Raphael and Josh and then I had a fateful breakup whilst I was having my mid-term tests in last semester of poly.

I was impressed with my memory but yeah, I suppose when things hit hard on you, you tend to remember things better. So much for recalling what I did on Valentine's Day too. I had my IBM women's challenge in the day and at night, it was a quiet one (I think).

People get spooked out when I tell them I can remember events. I am shocked at myself too. But that's a blessing!

Gosh, one more day to the end of the holidays. Back to school really soon, and a test to anticipate. Bet my next couple of weeks will be a hectic one at least clearing all the projects that I due before the break.

I better go grab dinner and study! Will blog laters!

The Guilt

2006-01-29T10:27:00.000+08:00

This morning I woke up with a sharp pain in my lower abdomen. I laid on the bed for awhile more and then decided to try and fall back to sleep. I dreamt about some AS question paper that I got back and it was pathetic. I awoke once more and then decided to get up for the day.

Lazy, I decided to go for mass at 1230pm. I don't feel like doing my photography project today. But I guess if I don't get started, I will never get on with it. Looks like I will have to plan my route out to take pictures. If only I drive, then things could possibly be better since it's a better form of transportation. Oh wells. Looks like I'd have to make do with what I have.

I'm feeling stressed. The entire world, at least my friends are studying for the upcoming test. Unfortunately, I haven't quite started and not in the mood too. But But, I will have to. Perhaps, when I get the photos done, I can get properly started on studying and not worry too much on the photos. Sucks man. I've thought about going back to school tomorrow. I've got nothing much to do at home, other than all the distractions around me. The thought of going to school also horrifies me. I don't think any of my friends will be there so I mite be alone.

Okay. I'm feeling guilty of blogging when I know I should try and study. So, I better get started on something.

Happy Lunar New Year to all.

Differentiate What??

2006-01-28T23:04:00.000+08:00

As people are out celebrating and ushering the New Year of the Dog, I'm stuck at home. It's not a bad thing actually. In fact, I like to stay home and what better way to spend my time at home is to sleep!

Right now, I'm just distracted from all the studying. Trying to figure out some calculus questions and how to differentiate the equations. I'm like, why must it be this way? Why can't I do some other way. I have loads of questions but I think if I ask my friends, they probably say, just do and don't ask too much, Vanessa. Take it as it is. Gosh. I suppose, I cannot figure why such things are like that, but to accept it.

I'm not getting the equations right because I don't make sense out of it. Asked tyrone how to do and he said all he could remember was dee y over dee x. So much for his one year at A maths. Nevermind, I know I will succeed some how.

So, 3 days left before the holidays all end. It has been a good time for me to catch up on rest, sleep more eventho I don't need to sleep too much and catch up on the books and readings. I cannot imagine when school starts again. It will be in full swing and all I can say is I hate that!

Anyways, Australian Open, Mauresmo kinda won. She did not technically win cos of the score but cos Henin-Hardene retired. I could tell from the very start that Mauresmo was indeed the stronger one. Nevertheless, Mauresmo is one rich girl tonite!

Eyes are giving up on me these days. Not too sure why. Looks like I'd call calculus a nite very soon. Bored of it!

2006-01-27T15:22:00.000+08:00

Thank God It's Friday!!

Right now, I'm feeling sleepy, lazy and lethargic. Typing this post in my uni's library cos I'm waiting for someone, though I feel like going back already.

My eyes are hurting again. So painful. It is the same problem as I faced last Sunday whilst wearing the lenses. Don't exactly know what is the problem and I don't want to see the doctor. Just too afraid he'll tell me that I can't wear lenses anymore. Oh wells. Vanessa is basically lazy.

So. Law lesson this morning was alright. After that went lunching with the gals at PS. Great to sit and laugh and wish we could just sit there and laugh all day long but I they have to leave to do their project. So okay.

After checking my email and doing whatever else I needed to, I'm now sitting here blogging. I'd really wanna go back soon.

The holidays are here. In fact most of my friends have no mood to study. Long weekend and a couple of things that we can do.. So... it's quite fun for them, whilst for me, I'd be mugging cos there's test next week!

Ha. With reference to my previous post, there has been quite a number of people asking me what's going on. Haahaa. To all of you, curious.. all I can say is, I'm not saying anything for now. You'd have to ask me personally if you wanna know anything however, that does not guarantee that I'd tell you everything!! haha.

Okay my friend is soon coming. Would have to stop soon. I'm sure I'd blog over the next few days since I'm going to be so busy.

For those celebrating CNY, Gong Xi Fa Cai! =)

Dilemmatic Love?

2006-01-26T10:33:00.000+08:00

The feeling of.....

I don't know what feeling is this I feel.
I wanna say something, but dunno how to put it into words
I wanna do something, but I'm afraid it would'nt be appreciated.
I feel the sweet feeling, but does he?

Can someone tell me what is it I'm feeling?
Maybe love? Maybe not.
I DON'T KNOW cos I am about to scream and yell.
I'm frightened to get hurt.
I'm afraid you may not reciprocate.
I'm afraid I've got it all wrong in my head.

Gosh. I do not know if I should even explicitly say it out here. My closest friends will know how I feel. Everytime I give that grin or smile cos I feel happy in my heart. Guess this is all love. Love to be shared between two. Now, I don't know what to think or to say. I'm just too afraid... too afraid. I don't want to end up like last year, and I know it won't. So please tell me something if you know what I'm talking about.

I really........... gosh!

Do you believe in magic?

2006-01-25T21:10:00.000+08:00

Today is fantastic! =)

Was having my management accounting class this morning when the AXN TV crew came into the seminar room requesting to speak to my prof. Their intention was that they wanted to shoot a magic show in the seminar room and prof allowed them too.

First time in my life have I ever came so close to a magician and to see their tricks. So, in all they did 3 tricks, I participated in one and the other two, my friends were having fun with. It was so so cool!! I guess, it was just interesting cos when I woke up this morning, I knew that today was going to be interesting and it felt so different and true enough!! Photos courtesy of Roy!! Thanks Roy!

That's the magician (one of the 2), sitting on Yiling and Candy. I was trying to hold the card up to reveal to the camera!

Cool isn't it!
This is the other magician!!

Whee. Candy was asked if she had intuition.... just to do this trick!

Mondo Magic will be shown on the 21st Feb. Not too sure if it'll be this episode!

The flesh is weak

2006-01-22T08:18:00.000+08:00

Aching body, tired eyes, exhausted headed to bed at 8plus nearly 9 last nite. Unusual for Vanessa but true. Got up about 8am this morning. 12 hours of really good sleep, I cannot complain. I really enjoy sleeping to the max rather than heading out to party or to bury my head in more books which will totoally exhaust me even more. Today, a pretty long day too. Gotta catch up with all that is due for the week. Im getting bored and the routine is getting mudane for me. School is beginning to feel really stressful.

I think I said endless sorry's which are of no use. I've quite lost count. To think about it, I feel it's a 2 way street. Why I react to certain things and why our conversations break down somewhere along the way is not all my fault. You think for yourself. When you have a good suggestion and if you have already made the analysis then let me know. For now, I am definitely not interested in arguing and debating over issues we don't see eye to eye.

Have a good Sunday people. Gotta run!

2006-01-18T19:17:00.000+08:00

Yes yes. The last update was some time ago. Phew.

The week passed really quick. Before I know it, the weekend will come and go again. Too quickly that we can imagine at all. Sometimes I wonder, perhaps, leading a really simple life and cutting down on all the paper chase may be good for us all. Think about it, in those times, computers were non-existant or rather any form of technology was nowhere to be seen. So, tvs, radio's, whatever you categorise as technology did not have any existance. I guess people led very simple minds. They worked to survive, thus luxuries probably never existed. What were luxuries to these people then?

Anyway, back to my point, rather... I'm not saying that the world should turn back to how it first started. Many people would probably never want to live in that era. But what I'm trying to say is perhaps, we should all learn to take things slow. Unfortunately, in Singapore.... where paper chase has been the way to go for some time, trying to move towards a simpler life would be tough. I'm sure you can figure out.

Okok. Let's talk about what has been happening in my life. Well, nothing much. The normal school routine is getting mundane and boring BUT things are going well. So far, I'm coping okay and I feel that's a good sign.

Today, I was pretty disheartened and discouraged. The TA who marked my Calculus paper minused a couple of marks for reasons that he did not state on the paper but I presume for reasons that I feel shouldn't be heavily penalised.

I learnt something from that. It is not that I want to get full marks, though many did. However, what I'm trying to say is that for certain actions that we take in life, we must have our justifications. Thus, all these leads to consequences that we eventually face. So, for the many things I've taken for granted, all these things can be just wiped away and get destoyed by our human foolishness and selfishness.

Never mind about that. I haven given up on Calculus. And I will not. At the end of the day.. I'll do my best.

Phew. So tired, typing all these out. I'm still in school waiting for someone to have dinner. Gosh. I need sleep!!!

So much for everything

2006-01-14T21:15:00.000+08:00

I feel like screaming my hearts out.

In fact, maybe not now but very soon.

Yesterday, Friday the 13th was a not too bad day actually. Despite all the rumour about how the day can be very bad and the superstitions that I do not believe in. Nevertheless, it was a pretty good day. I had my first presentation for the year to begin with. I did not have enough sleep the night before, guess I figured why so. Anyway, presentation was not too bad in my opinion. After that, had MA meeting at PS Mac's. Whee! I like the group. I don't particularly have a reason as to why I feel that way, but it's always good to feel good and all things will fall in place.

I came back home in the afternoon feeling so drained out. I went to the sauna and dropped my keys in the most inaccessible place that I cannot retrieve from. So never mind. Thank God, for brothers. I got changed, packed my stuff and went out again.

I was so feeling so joyous because I was meeting my primary school friends. Whee! Jyotsna, Deepti and Poorna, all made my day! So wonderful to catch up with the gals! We were all reminiscing old times. Gosh, we really grow too quickly.

Later that night, met Josh for prata. Basil happened to be at the ever so famous prata shop too and we hung out for awhile. Basil later invited us to his place for drinks so Josh and I dropped by for awhile. I really had no mood to drink so, I just drank plain water! Whee!!

So you see, it was a fantastic Friday! Praise the Lord for so many friends, close or not. My heart felt as though it was smiling. =)

Day ended at nearly 2am. Tired and exhausted and crashed out at Dad's place. Unfortunately, I didn't talk to him at all. He was already sleeping and this morning, I left early.

I miss him.

Wells, today is nothing interesting. I was feeling neither up nor down, until my dear friend told me he got the Motorola RAZR. I yelled on the phone!!

Next thing you know..... heeeeeee!!!

Gonna spend my time catching up on school work. Sleep a bit later tonite and spend tomorrow at home!

till then, enjoy your weekend.

Ever told you how much I....

2006-01-11T22:32:00.000+08:00

Have I ever told you how much I loved to see you smile?
Your smile brings the brightness in everything that happens for that moment.
It ceases all sadnesses and brings joy to the heart.

Your smile can brighten someone else's day.
Each time you call, you smile and I can sense it.
That's the most beautiful thing that can happen
Only because of your smile.

I know you love to see me smile too.
All for the same reasons.
Speak with your heart, love with your soul
because it makes both happy just as equal.

We're all born with beautiful smiles.
So, smile!

Hmmm

2006-01-11T22:15:00.000+08:00

Hello! Yes, yes.. the blog is collecting dust! So, I'm back to clean up the dust!! Gosh, I'm going crazy. Yes, from the sounds and looks of it yea?

Let's blame it on school! Hee! Oh, I must share this. I am taking this module called Analytical Skills and it's pretty tough to a certain extent! Let me share a question that I had to solve.

The spider or the cake

If you say something true, you will get either the spider or the cake.
If you say something false, you will neither get the spider nor the cake.

You want the cake and not the spider. What must you say? How does this guarantee what you will get?

There you go. If you can solve this question, tag or leave me a comment! I had another 4 questions that I had to go through last night as submission was due today at 5pm. I had help from different people and I must thank all of you! Thanks, Ben for solving that "treasure chests" question. It was correct! =) Smart boy!

Apart from all these questions, I was preparing my business law presentation and report that is due this Friday too. Poor head. Tired and tired. Ha! Hmm, maybe I shouldn't blame it totally on school anyway. To think about it, the holidays gave a break in between to recuperate from fatigue and to catch up with friends and family! So, it wasn't that bad at all.

Just kind of completed my business law portion for the report. Still have some way to prepare for the presentation. With someone helping me to illustrate a comic strip, I am very grateful. Dunno what I will do without you really.

What am I going to do tonite? Actually, studying was ideal. Unfortunately, the tired body and exhausted mind has taken over the will power to study. That's why I'm blogging now!! Apart from the blogging, I'd probably catch up on some readings and watch my ER later! Wheeeee!

Oh, Shane came back and said his friend (which is also my friend) has free lodging in Bintan over Chinese New Year. So, he's asking if Mom, Tyrone and I would want to go. I am still in the midst of making the decision. Sigh, that week I have test! =(

Till then, be happy all of you!

No Joke!

2006-01-05T23:30:00.000+08:00

Reading and preparing for tomorrow's seminar on Business Law is seriously no joke! So many documents to read and prepare for. As much as I love reading law related material, I realised that I must thank the Lord for one thing. That is, I went to Poly and have done B Law before. As I was reading all those articles, I really could not remember what some of the words used in law meant! I had to find my mom's business law book and start reading. Slowly, it all came back to me. Just shows how much I forgot. But then again, I've learnt all these stuff. The elementary stuff back in Poly and that is just a great help, I tell you! Kidos to all poly students who took B Law!

Dad was okay. Tyrone and I treated Dad lunch so he had no excuse to complain and grumble.

I'm down with the flu. I've been constantly sneezing and had a headache this afternoon! Oh no!! I am tired of reading law... err. yeah. Currently, blasting Christian music in my ears, thinking of what's next to do.

That's all for now. I'm looking forward to lecture tomorrow! =')

Off Day!

2006-01-05T12:51:00.000+08:00

First off day from school today! Feels good to do my own stuff for awhile. I better treasure this while it lasts. Soon, my thursdays will be burnt in school too!

I called dad just now. He did not sound happy. All I wanted to see him and have lunch today with him. So, I decided to call him and ask how he is. I was very surprised when the conversation became quite hostile. I hung up all shocked. =( Later I told tyrone about it, he was quite shocked too. It's quite disturbing really. So, tyrone called Dad and asked how he was and everything. The conversation seemed really short and hostile too. I hope Dad is all okay. Nevertheless, tyrone and I will be seeing Dad in awhile.

Just had a cold shower after barbequing myself in the sauna. Feels fantastic to have your perspiration dripping from your body. I hope it's a sign of good things to come too.

Okay. Need to blow my hair now. Will update soon!

=)

2006-01-04T23:26:00.000+08:00

Missed me?? Haha! Gosh. I don't feel missed by the blog at all anyway. Time passes too quickly to stop and decide to post a couple of words and sentences to sum up my day.

So, school has started. I foresee a tough semester ahead, but nevertheless, I'm sure and I can feel it may just be a better one. Tough subjects but persevere, I'm sure I can do it.

Feeling tired today cos Wednesdays are my longest days ever and also I made it a point to go to the gym and workout today. So with that, I feel even better!

I want to have a good sleep tonight. Tomorrow I'll be meeting Winnie to get her party stuff. I'm always so happy to see her. So, that's a good thing to look forward to for tomorrow! =)

2 Jan 2006!

2006-01-02T11:46:00.000+08:00

Time flies la. When the new year dawned, I was telling some people that I think the clock moved even faster! Haha

Okay. I had planned to swim if I woke up early today, but of course, I didn't. As I stretched to get out of bed, my arms were aching and back so painful. In addition to all that, I woke up late. Set the alarm thrice, seems it isn't working! Hee! So never mind.

Gotta get ready for church meeting soon. Still wearing my nightie, so, I'd better go smell good and get dressed! Yesterday, I did not even leave the house cos the rain made dear Winnie so lazy.. So stayed home. Pretty good also, was able to do some work! Pretty pleased with myself.

Later this evening, will meet her again. It better not rain! Please don't rain?? Haha!. Lemme enjoy my last day of holidays pleaseeeeee. Okay. So mum's cooking! Gonna eat then head to church. hmm.

The river runs, the river hides, out to the ocean and under the sky. I promise you the answer will come, hold on to patience and look out for the sign. Everything in it's time. ~ Corrine May's Everthing in It's Time

2006!

2006-01-01T17:51:00.000+08:00

A quiet but wonderful start to the new year! It felt peaceful. Just when the Starhub cable box showed 00.00, I shouted, Happy New Year. There were lots of background noises; kids screaming, playing the crackers, the clanging of mahjong tiles became even louder and that was it. A brand new start to the year.

I chose to stay home instead of hanging outside. I did not have to bet with anyone on how crowded town or harbourfront or sentosa was going to be. Surfed a couple of blogs, and you'd read of how people are screaming the crowded-ness! Some, complains about foreign workers too!

I'm supposed to be on my way to town to meet Winnie. But the rain decided to come upon us, so I'm still stuck at home until the rain stops. Hopefully soon. It was all sunny just now, I went to the gym for awhile and then before I knew, the sky decided to open. Praise to the Lord, it's his blessing!

Fwah, school starting soon. SIGH! so not looking forward at all! Never mind, brand new year to cheer about for now.

Looking Back

2005-12-31T23:53:00.000+08:00

Okay so the year is coming to a close. I feel happy not very sad about it even though so many character building events and activities occured. Many trials and tribulations that I can go on and on about but I shall mention main points that occurred in each month. 2005 has indeed been one colourful year. Will never forget how much turning 21 is pretty painful but fun!

January
A very good start to the year though! My first day to the new year was sealed with a kiss. A good month with me going to Sabah with Entrepreneurship 3rd year students for a 4day 3night journey to bond with the class and have fun!! After which I attended the Choice retreat with Josh and Raph. Very enlightening retreat and well after which I had to face reality. It was very fun making new friends and knowing and discovering more about oneself.

February
The month started pretty low. The end of a relationship, probably not even meant to be at all. That's okay cos God knows what is best. So time to move on and open my hearts for others.. hee. Valentine's Day was spent alone, but not too worry!!

March
I can't quite remember what significant events occurred during this month.

April
Guess it was the exams month. So it was quite sad to sit for my last papers in Ngee Ann Poly. I loved the school so much that I miss it now. Too many friendships and relationships formed thru the lecturers, tutors and classmates. I wish I was still there..... sigh. At the same time, certain family issues arosed. Was pretty upsetting.

May
Off I jetted to Australia. The most wonderful trip cos I went to Brisbane for 2 weeks, then Sydney for a couple of days and Adelaide for another one and a half weeks. During this time I was making my decision to work or continue on studying. So many people gave me they're opinions and I really appreciated them. Looking back, being away for some time.. gave me time to think, spend time with Granny. Love my granny, cos she took care of me. Love her!!! Muacks!

June
Back in Singapore, jobless!!! Oh! I had to move house. Well not entirely move... but well. If you know me and my family you will know what happened. Nevertheless, God knows best and he knows it all. So, if Mommy and Daddy are happy then that's the best ever.

July
Woohoooo. Graduation. Sigh even more. Tears rolled down my cheeks during the ceremony. I was elated yet very sad to leave and graduate from an institution that has done well for me. So many different events that I had to do and work with the lecturers brought back good memories that will last for a long time to come.

August
Sigh. Uni starts. Nothing much to say at all but I hate school. But before that, I had an Excellence award from the Eurasian Association for topping the eurasian cohort in Poly.. whee

September
Turning 21 meant that I had to go thru all the downs to appreciate the ups. Okay! So, school projects and all the tests and assignments were on the roll. Sick.

October
Hmmm. Can't recall what even happened then. Guess, it was mugging all the way. Lost my self in so much trials and challenges. Lost God too.

November
Still mugging. Helping out in youth cafe. Meeting new people

December
Done with the exams and holidays begin, which will soon end too.... sighhh. Had the martial arts championship which was a good one. Met even more new people. Celebrated Christmas in a special way and now looking forward to 2006!!

A couple of minutes to the new new year. As you can see from the time, I just got back in time to publish this post. Obviously, I didn't come online cos to post this but.. wells. Mite as well, leave 2005 and begin 2006 with a SMILE!

Being too sentimental

2005-12-30T11:21:00.000+08:00

Ha! My brother cannot believe I did this.

I took a picture of the Krispy Kreme doughnut box that I received yesterday, remember? My brother thinks I'm really nuts!!!! The box reminds me of the St Margaret's uniform.. Whuauaahahha!

Not too sure if you can see this. But, it tells how to heat up the doughnut and it is best consumed when it is hot. Which means that you have to put the doughnuts into the microwave for 8 seconds and TA-da! Haa!! Goodness right?

I cannot believe I did this either. I would have rather kept the box but bit of sugar stuck to the box. So no choice right?

Fantastic Doughnuts!

2005-12-29T21:22:00.000+08:00

As it all says from the title. I just had fantastic, delicious, melts in the mouth doughnuts!!! Yummy! All the wait was all good too. Thank you N, for specially bringing them down for me! Woohhooooo! I was pleasantly surprised when I saw 3 in the box (thought there would be only 1), and to know that he didn't have any. WoW! Oh the doughnuts are from Sydney. So they were specially flown down!! Wheee!

That treat just brightened and sweetened my day. I was feeling all lazy but after eating them (I had one though) I was all perked up!

See what simple surprises can bring to your life?

Okay!! I had a not too bad day after all. Loved the day spent with Father Peter, Amy and Ellen. And then, meeting for the RCIY and RCIC stuff, that's when I was pleasantly surprised too!

Back in the comfort of my home, hoping to start doing some work. Weepee!

I'm happy. =)

Now spinning: Because of You - Kelly Clarkson

Yesterday!

2005-12-29T11:24:00.000+08:00

Remember in my previous post I said I was going to a chalet? Yes, I did go.

Enjoyed myself all the unnecessary I shall not elaborate la. But it was not to bad anyway.

BBQ and everything else went fine!!

Struck by boredom on the 3rd day of Christmas!

2005-12-27T21:18:00.000+08:00

Sigh.. sometimes I wish I was a kid and had 12 presents so that I have one to open each day. But... but... I'm struck by boredom and now contemplating whethere to go to a friend's birthday chalet or not!

I think I should go... cos... I'm freaking bored at home and cannot take it. I've just been sleeping, watching dvds and slacking. I feel sick!

Okay.. I'm going. Cannot take it no more! Ciao!

Post Christmas...

2005-12-27T01:38:00.000+08:00

Christmas gathering with Mom's colleagues and relatives last nite was pretty okay. Did my share of entertaining and then left at night to catch the Chronicles of Narnia.

For people who know me, would know that I never watch cartoons and other unbelievable shows in the cinema for a simple reason. But, this holidays, I broke all of that and caught Chicken Little and Narnia. So, Narnia was good, fantastic movie and wonderful plot too. And of course, the company was great too!

Another late night I had since I watched the midnite movie and then had to get my lazy ass up to church this morning, then come back home for another round of entertaining. In fact, I didn't do as much today cos it was all my brother's friends.

Lonely Vanessa, spent her evening watching I am Sam, a moving movie, with lots of meaning! Needless to say, I've got tons of church work to do... I'm off for now!

Merry Christmas!!!

2005-12-25T14:17:00.000+08:00

To one and all,

Wishing y'all a Merry Christmas. Spread the love and joy of the season. Enjoy!
(and take care of the throat too) hee!

Had a wonderful start to Christmas!!! N picked me up from somewhere near my house for Midnight Mass! Wonderful to see so many people all prettily and handsomely dressed!!! After that, I had peanut butter, oreo cheese cake to eat and bring back home!!! Wooohooooo!!!!

Came back home very early in the morning. N and I went to eat at Lau Pa Sat but before that, we were stopped by a very rude off-duty traffic police in a red van for a reason which I totally disagree, but heck!!! Who cares about him. It's Christmas. N wanted to see the new Merlion as he claims that he hadn't seen it since he returned from Down Under. Unfortunately, we didn't go.. maybe the next time ya?

I kinda agreed to follow him to another church service today...... but,........ haha! I could not get up!! Sorry N! haha! anyways, Mom is nagging at me to clear my bed cos I chucked all my stuff on it. Gosh!!!!!

Another week to the New Year!! Will my year end the way it started?? Only God knows! Meantime, people ENJOY!!!

Just feeling guilty?!

2005-12-23T01:03:00.000+08:00

James Blunt's music is just too powerful. His songs have got so much emotion and power. Love it.

I very sorry for being real moody just now. I'm very sorry. Suddenly, I feel really guilty. I blamed you for something that you didn't do. I really do apologize for that too. It didn't strike me then, I shall blame it on the medicine I took before I met you. Now my heart aches real bad, cos I do not know how much more to say. I thank you for dinner though. I guess there were a lot of unsaid words. So when you ask me what I was thinking, I could not answer. I really wanna talk about something close to my heart.. you should know what it is. But I figured today was not a good day to say it all. You know what I want best for you right? Nevertheless, I cannot blame you for how you feel either. We should really talk about this soon. Meantime, if you read this, gimme a msg or msn me. Once again, I apologize.

Sigh. Heart ache. Now head ache. I feel upside down, inside out. Someone help me!

Powerful!

2005-12-22T13:43:00.000+08:00

This song has been playing in my head and I love it. It's lyrics are really very powerful.

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(x2)

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(x2)

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(x2)

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.(x2)

Rainy rain rain!

2005-12-22T12:29:00.000+08:00

I got up not too long ago from the buzz of my mobile. Then after, I went back to sleep and finally got up about an hour ago. Wheee! I enjoy sleeping my holidays away. Spend less money and stay home more.

Was at the doctor's yesterday.. and though I am entitled to free medical treatments when ill, the doctor I went to refused to let me have my treatment free cos they don't recognise the scheme SMu students have with specific clinics. So, I had to pay cash and was pretty frustrated since I was already sick. On my way back from the doctors, had a chat with Ken over the mobile, he wanted to meet....

So got back home, complained and grumbled a bit to Mum about the doctor. After which I obediently took my medicine on an empty stomach and before I knew it, I was all groggy and had no interest in meeting him. Since all plans were made and cos I had not seen him for awhile, I decided not to cancel it. He was so kind to ride all the way down to my place, pick me up and bring me to wherever I wanted to go to eat porridge.

So, Bukit Timah market was it. Sat down, ate my food and chatted about his army stuff and my school nonsense. Subsequently, he send be back home again.

Smsed a bit, watched my ER, replied emails and chatted online then headed for bed.

So, I took my medicine again. Feeling a little drowsy typing this post. Nevertheless, the weather is cool cos it's raining, so I'd most likely stay home and recover. I really wanna do some work.. but I don't think I can think well and hard enough to stay awake. Looks like I mite just head back to the bed.

Christmas in 3 days time.. still no mood! But, I wanna go shopping!! HEHEh

Ahhh Choo....

2005-12-21T17:29:00.000+08:00

There goes another sneeze and a cough. A painful cough though.

Just got back from IKEA and Anchorpoint, after much shopping and coughing around with Mum and Keith. Quite tired actually, but I've got to go and see the doctor later. Mum wants me to go and see before everyone else gets sick too. Sigh. A flu bug turned into a horrible nasty cough. Thank God, no fever yet. So looks like I'd have to stay home and take the antibiotic and feed myself with the bitter medicine to cure myself. Argh!

So, lots more shopping needs to be done. Especially for clothes and stuff for myself. At the same time, church work is keeping me busy too. I really thank God for the team that works me with me, plus all the other rewards that he has given me in doing his work. Am very happy.

Christmas is coming. Vanessa hopes to recover soon. Till then, she'll keep you updated!

God is Patient

2005-12-21T00:04:00.000+08:00

For my Christian and non-Christian friends alike, this is one good article to read!

http://www.catholicexchange.com/vm/index.asp?vm_id=6&art_id=31184

Sugee Cake on the way....

2005-12-20T22:33:00.000+08:00

The most ever popular, eurasian sugee cake topped with marzipan and royal icing is on it's way all cos its Christmas.

Mom is on leave for the next few days so she has a mission to bake her cakes since she's damn pro at it. I smell the sugee cake baking... mmmm yummmy..... now can only sniff at the oven, can't even bite.. mom doesnt allow yet. Looks like I have to wait.

Unfortunately, I wun get to enjoy as much if I don't recover from this flu and cough. All cos, I haven't been taking care. Just not eating properly nor drinking sufficient water. So it's all my fault. See how, maybe see the doctor tomorrow, doubt it's ever going to happen.

I've been up to nothing at home. Actually, busy with all my church stuff that I need to accomplish which doesn't seem to end. So much preparation for the new ministry. Loads of time and hard work too. Sigh. No social life! Pretty sad eh.

I'm getting bored too. I wanna go shopping!!!

New Look for the New Year!

2005-12-20T01:58:00.000+08:00

Haha! Though, the title makes some sense, it may not be entirely very true cos I could just change the skin again if I just get sick of looking at it. I was browsing at blogskins.com and I really could not find many nice ones. Not too sure why. Perhaps, its my mood and cos it's late that I really have no excitement to appreciate the many blogskins.

So now, this skin doesn't look as though I'm very poor (cos you know my previous one was small and had loads of white space around the blogskin). What's even better is that, I managed to get the entire blog working perfectly since I declare that I'm a blog idiot. Cos so far I've had friends and my cousin who were ever so kind to do my blog skin for me. This time, i did it myself in less than 10 mins (downloading the skin, linking the people, inserting the tagboard). Though it seems as though it was just so few things but bear in mind this blog-idiot doesnt know one bit about HTML. even her younger brother knows more than her!

In the midst of all that, mum walked out of the bedroom in her groggy state, sleepily stared at the time and asked me to get to bed. I said "Soon". Ha! So, my soon will have to be soon before she comes out and nag at me. Actually 2am in the morning is pretty normal, not too sure what the issue is anyway. Heck, its holidays, mum!!

Hee! I'm proud of myself!! okok.. better head to the bed!

Blue blu monday!

2005-12-19T13:22:00.000+08:00

So the weekend has passed too quickly. I want more holidays to come but looks like it will all end soon. Soooonnnnnnn. Sigh!

Guess, it's good also that if it ends, its back to school to get my lazy ass back to work, but looking at my schedule for next year, I'm packed, packed and packed. Many activities, meetings, events... set for next year.. I can start blocking out my dates fairly easy.

So, Christmas is coming. I still don't feel the spirit. Despite having walked along the entire stretch of Orchard Road yesterday, listening to the carols and looking at the decos, it still hasn't instilled the spirit of sharing. The year has been quite a rollercoaster I must admit though, I will not mention now, that I'm looking forward to the year ending and for the new year to come.

Am still flu struck. Which just leaves me sitting at home more, leaving me with lesser choice to get out of the house and to rest more. I'd really have to get my body back in shape, especially my immune system before school reopens. Bet, it will be a tough semester ahead.

My post today seems to be really scattered. Had not much flow in linking it all together. Nevertheless, have a wonderful week ahead.

Flu struck!

2005-12-18T02:26:00.000+08:00

Yes! I'm down with the flu. Suspected it was coming anyway, since I had sore throat the other day and then after drinking I thought it'll subside but apparently, things have become worse. But it's okay.

Today is one day.. I just don't quite know what word to describe. Met dad cos I had to do some work on the computer for him. Then, I realised that the documents that he wanted had a precedence in the other laptop in my other home. Reluctant to scan the documents he gave me, though I could have done it, I went back to my other home to get it done. Then later, I had to go back to the other house to get it printed. I wasted time, money and I didn't have lunch.

Later in the night, went to church for youth cafe. Had a pleasant surprise when my dear friend came. Haven't seen him for awhile and indeed good too see him again. Last session of youth cafe. Was pretty good. Guess I'll miss Fr Peter when he goes away. Sigh.

Came back from church not too long ago. Even though I have some stuff to do in preparation for tomorrow's meeting, I'm blogging. Unfortunately, I'm not tired enough and if I have to sleep, i need the flu tablet to knock me out. But before that, I have to get my stuff prepared for later in the day.

Meeting Nick later in the day for shopping. Wheeeeeee.... Though, a big headache.. haven't got mum's pressies and everyone else's.. what a big sigh!

Mother's know best!

2005-12-16T13:22:00.000+08:00

Last night was the first time in many weeks that my mother and I had a proper chat. I woke up sleepily and she was in the room. I was hungry so I went to grab leftover chicken drumstick when she came out and asked if she needed to cook. I said no need.

Mom was in a good mood yesterday. Not too sure why but perhaps, the festive season approaching and holidays are coming soon for her. She sat down at the tv with me and watched another not-so-hilarious Mr Bean. Then I exchanged a couple of questions with her and she gladly answered.

Mother was wrapping some Christmas present for the office people. She was excited about the gifts cos they were not only cheap but interesting. So, not bad. Whilst she was busily wrapping the pressies, I pretended to ask her who those presents were for and she told me.

So then I said, "My results are out."

"How did you do?," she asked?

"Well no A's, all B's and you know what for Stats. Nothing fantastic," I replied quite sadly.

I was shocked when she replied, "I know you cut down on a lot of slack.. ....." (I can't rmbr what she said then, all I could remember was that first sentence which was shocking enough.) Then I think she went on and said that one of her close colleagues was very depressed during her uni days cos she had to go thru a lot and that her family was poor then, so she had to fork out her uni fees.

After all that comment, I was like... hmmm... does Mom know how tough I struggled in my first semester? That I was really down? School sucked to the max?

My instincts tell me so.. I went on to mention that the school sucks and hate school and she probed and asked why.

So I said, profs are biased... they like guys... (I was trying to finding even more reasons...)

She replied and said to complain.. but I explained further to her why I can't do that all cos I had no basis.

That was the highlight of my night last night. As it is often said, Mother's know best. I don't have very much to say my Mom often. Guess all the unsaid words, body language tells a story within cos all our Mother's know their children the best.

Somethings have to be done for us to learn

2005-12-15T21:08:00.000+08:00

Just as the title of the post seems to suggest that this entry would be one directed to certain individuals. No names will be mentioned.

Realise how we get irritated with someone pretty quickly for not much of a reason but sometimes because of their actions? Unknowingly, these actions are meant to show the care and concern to the other party or maybe it could ust be a total opposite in irritating a person to the max. Either way, too much of something can really get boring, piss one of, get the other party freaking frustrated. That's exactly, how I felt some time during the day. Pretty annoyed with a certain someone and as a result I did something, which I did not want to resort to but I still persisted with it. I don't think what I did is wrong but in fact just wanting the person to learn and know that too much of something really is too much for me to handle. Just think about it, each of us wants our individual space. We want our own breathing space. Face it, we like to be alone at times. At least that's how I feel and what better way than to respect the other party's wish.

On a totally irrelevant note, since I can't quite care less with whatever that happened, last nite I was at Phuture. DJ Chow is my mom's friend's brother. So cool. The petite man behind the DJ console looked like a little boy. Whatever it was, it seemed that there were toooooo many SMU people in that place. At first from the outside, it appeared as tho there were so many army guys, later did I realise... gosh. It felt boring and crowded after some time and then I decided to meet my other friend at Club Momo.. so I was there for a couple of hours before I headed to Devils bar! I was club hopping! First time, why not rite especially since its Ladies Nite too. Cool!

So by the time I got back home to sleep, the other half of the world was preparing to get up for the day! I did not good rest. Kept waking up due to the constant banging of doors, but eventually I had to. My day, yet again spent at home. Feels good sometimes cos I don't spend money!! Heeez!

Wheeeeeeee.................

2005-12-14T16:03:00.000+08:00

I'm utter crazy.. in all sorts of moods today. Mood swing? I dunno man! Had a darn weird conversation with Amelia.. that gal is just wonderful man! love you babe!

tonite I'm going to zouk.. anyone wanna go and partyyyyy????

Actually I have no mood la.. but amms is going so I go.. plus see some of the guys la. Having this horrible sore throat, but someone just told me drinking will cure it! So... I will have to go and try la!

Something to share

2005-12-13T17:00:00.000+08:00

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lives for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Recollections..

2005-12-13T14:59:00.000+08:00

Since I've had nothing much to do other than to listen to music, play online games.. even my teevee now is giving me some problems, I've been thinking about what happened abt the championships the other day.

Remember that foreigner who was eyeing me (which I mentioned in my other post), he called me the day after at least 4 times I say. Of course in those conversations, I could hardly decipher what he was saying, yet we could still understand each other. I was straining my ear a couple of times, cos of his accent but it was all cool.

There was one part of the conversation which he called for the last time, I asked why he looked quite sad the nite before when the entire event ended. His answer was quite funny but I shall not post (if you're curious ask me personally). There were a couple other questions that we exchanged. Some of which like I mentioned, I could not catch.. but it was interesting to know more about his background and so on..

God knows why I'm posting this.. possibly due to boredom!

Its hard to say....

2005-12-12T16:58:00.000+08:00

Apparently, somethings in life are just hard to let go. Just as it is difficult to accept, it is just as tough to let go.

When you ask someone to move on, it is not me who are the right to ensure the person moves on, but you just hope that the person does. Especially, when the certain someone is so close to you; but all I can do is encourage the person to just move on and find the right one for him/her.

Oh crap.. what am I saying? Well. God knows, I've had enough.

Last night, watched Saw II. Grossly disgusting! I've never felt so painful sitting in the cinema, just waiting for the show to end. It was torture. Oh well.. I'm not going to remember the show, rather watch the continuation! Gross...

I've been home the whole day. Just don't feel like doing anything constructive. My arms are still aching but not as bad as yesterday. Had a few phone calls yesterday and spent my time on the fone! Ha!

Christmas is coming, I'm not at all excited. I feel Christmas in Singapore is just too commercialised. Once a upon a time, I was definitely really excited about receiving presents cos then I didn't have to worry about giving. But now, as I grwo older.. I'm no longer as excited, to me, another day that will come and go.

But,... I'm more excited in embracing the New Year. It has always been the case, cos I only hope for something new to come in the next year. Saying bye to 2005 and hello to 2006.. I sure am looking forward to it. Guess 2005 has been the toughest year of my life!

Just a few more days......

Argh!

2005-12-11T13:16:00.000+08:00

After sleeping for more than 12 hours, I still feel tired plus my arms are freaking aching. Must have been all that refereeing activity and the knock I got from one of the matches yesterday.

Sigh!!!

Fight, fight and fight

2005-12-10T21:51:00.000+08:00

Today is one good day for a few reasons. The fighters competed well, some exceptional cases. Many of them had bruised and swollen faces due to the continuous punches, but they learnt something. My brother had a good time running around or rather making his opponent run around the ring and eventually won. (cos no match la, he is like how tall!)

My second attempt at side judging, which can get pretty boring and monotonous, I took up the challenge of being a referee, of cos, there were other reasons why I wanted to try referee a match la!

Met a few new friends. Many of whom were from Silat (what's new?) Sigh. At the same time, I plucked up the guts to talk to someone who had been eyeing me for awhile. Let me elaborate. Couple of weeks ago, perhaps a month back, the Martial Arts Instructors' Association had a training session for all referees and ring side judges. There was this group of Karate students, appeared as tho, they were foreigners, which was true. And this one guy, was just staring at me. Don't ask why cos if i knew i would have mentioned. So.... after much contemplation, I decided, to catch the opportunity of talking to him while he was alone. So.. that was that. =)

My father appeared happy with the performance of his students. Cos, my brother also won something rite. He was happy with me too (i think) cos I plucked up the courage to referee.. and which some of them thought I got punched straight into my face while I was trying to stop a match (but that was not true). My face still intact. Guess it was more of my body that was hit more!

Practically, I slept for 3 hours probably due to the excitement. So... I really like to head to bed and sleeeppppppp!

the weekend.. here i come!

2005-12-09T12:34:00.000+08:00

I'm quite excited about the weekend. Not really about today cos, nothing much will be happening, other than me, going to see my dad and then head out for indian dinner which will make me feel so fat after.

What's happening tomorrow? Cool! For those of you free tomorrow and wanna see some kick butt action.. head down to the Toa Payoh sports conplex from 9am to 10pm and watch the all styles martial arts championship. Held once in 2 years, this is the first year, there will be a junior competition together with the usual seniors that are fighting. It would be interesting to see the fuzion of punches and kicks from the different martial arts.

If you're wondering if I am fighting, I'll tell you NOT THIS TIME. Reason? Cos, I haven been training often! So, instead of being kicked and punched at, I'll be at the table or chairs around the rings to decide if red or blue wins!

Haha!!!

Bring along your friends! Call me if you're going and I'll keep a lookout for you! Cool?! Sure is!

A call to say.....

2005-12-08T18:05:00.000+08:00

Interesting how we expect our phone calls to bring us a message; be it good or bad. A phone call I received from my dad just about half an hour ago, and the second or third time this occured, was a piano piece he was playing.

I must say my father is a talented man. Mother would say he was never good in school and did not get very far in those days. I suppose, it doesn't really matter since it was the past and education wasn't as important as it is now. So, my father plays the piano more recently when he things in the family changed, the guitar, he sings, teaches TKD as some of you know.

Why i say talented? Cos, he plays these pieces without having to look at the scores. Something that I admire from people who can do such. It is just impressive.

The first time I received this kind of call, I was in school studying with the song "Everything In Its Time" playing. After the phone call, I was just sad! Guess, a mix of emotions was going thru me then.

Nevertheless, father would always end a call asking... when I was going to see him!

Despite it all.. he is still my father!

A year old and still going

2005-12-08T02:03:00.000+08:00

I'm pretty thankful for this space that I thought I'd never continue since its inception. It has been a year since I started this space, 111 posts and still going. Hopefully it lasts long enough for me to entertain (that is if you people think its entertaining) or whether to update you with my thoughts and happenings in my life, or perhaps, some of you, who probably do not know me, but following my trails.

One year. Thinking about what has happened in this blog for a year, the changes in my stories and life.. the transitions of many things that occured since I was in my last year of poly till today, in Uni and the many memories that are kept on this space, for a long time to come.

Couple of days ago, I checked out my archives and realised, there were many more happier thoughts when the blog started; though, I'm not saying there aren't now but my thoughts penned down these days, reflect even more of my honest thoughts. For those of you who follow the entries, I'm sure you learn a lot about me even more thru this blog than me telling you about what's going on in my life; therefore being thankful for this space.

Often, when words cannot be verbalized, unsaid words written down seemed to tell more of me. Thus, the more sincere thoughts of my entries and hoping for this space to keep going.

Cheers to all who have been following me and my stories for the past year. I pray for better stuff to come along the way.

*To Desmond, take care while you're in army. Call me when you come out! See ya soon!

The result

2005-12-07T18:56:00.000+08:00

You know how statistics is a sucky subject. One that I never loved and feared of since poly...

When Calin smsed me and told me the result was out, I was just fearful. My hands were all shaking when I checked it online.

Thank God, I passed but... it was not good enough for a gpa of 2. But nevertheless... I'm glad I don't have to take it again!

I thank the prof, for passing me, despite my failure in the mid terms too.

The worries and anxieties for stats are now over. Now it's just 2 more modules!

A bitter smile

2005-12-06T12:00:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I met my good friend for a cuppa. She had another friend with her, which was perfectly fine. We had a good time laughing and talking, catching up on lost time and savouring ice cream that we ordered.

When the shops were closing, we decided to make a move. I had to meet another friend but meantime, I had to wait for him to come. So, the two friends and myself just continued to chat, joke around and be merry.

Then my good friend said, "Are you sure you're okay or not? Don't scare me!"

"I'm fine....," not too worry, I told my friend.

Looking into my eye, she said "You don't look okay and that's true. I can see it."

Later, her friend said, " Ya, even when you smile, I can see your sadness and so much that is going on with you."

Till today, that thought has still been in my mind. It is amazing how expressions work. For someone I did not know and could tell and sense what was going on in my life just shocked me. But that's the truth to believe.

A feeling of....

2005-12-04T18:46:00.000+08:00

As my subject of this post mentions...

I am really tired.
I am hungry now.

Why?

Haha... Let's see. Since the exams ended, I've partied and had not rested enough to remain real sane! At the same time, I've been feeling down and out.

Suppose, it's a few things going on in my life, which needs some sorting out but for that to happen, I need some inspiration and probably a pep talk or a wake up call. The other nite, perhaps, last nite, as I had time to be alone despite the noise that was going on at the event I was at last night. I felt pretty depressed. Guess it lasted thru the nite until I went to sleep.

Guess I've been thinking too much; often unknowingly thus causing myself to worry and stress myself. I must say that unless I'm kept busy, I just keep thinking. And even when I am busy, but the people around me are affecting me, I will be even more disturbed to think and analyse (unnecessary) issues even more. Is it cos I'm a virgo?

Only the people closest to me would probably realise how difficult it has been.

So my friend asked today, " So how's school?"

I replied "I'm literally drowning, gasping for air."

Someone else added, "Ya, she's sinking in quick sand."

The last statement left me thinking. But I shall not share my thoughts here.

I suppose, this year hasn't been all fantastic; my closest friends would probably know best. Like I've mentioned to many, I've never felt this worse in my entire life especially when I know..... I've been doing too many things.... that I never imagined I would succumb to.

Let's talk about more interesting stuff that I've been doing since exams were over on Friday!!!!

After the paper, the guys wanted to play Dota, abandoning Clara and I, only to pick us up later in the evening after their many hours of gaming.

Had steamboat and later, played games and had to drink.. obviously if you lost the game la.

Tuition kept me busy on Sat morning, then I was in Church..... the whole nite..... till today. Got back not too long ago after picking Shane up from the airport.

So, that will explain why I've been too busy to sleep and now hungry!

Gonna grab some food now!

What is wrong with me?

2005-11-29T16:31:00.000+08:00

I wanna do anything but study!!!

What the hell!!!!

Helpppp!!

What do you want for Christmas?

2005-11-28T16:59:00.000+08:00

Ask me why I've been blogging more frequently these days and I will tell you, I'm not sure either. A space which provides the freedom of me saying what I want except knowing the fact that I have to be careful in what I say. But hey, I'm not Xiaxue or Mr Brown for that matter, where the entire world knows them through their blogs!

I was surf blogging. Saw this on Desmond's blog and I thought, hey, I could type my Christmas wants too though I think, they are just hopes and wishes!

7 things I want for Christmas (in no particular order):

1) Ipod Nano
2) New Handphone pref a clam shelled one
3) To pass my exams (not even asking for a distinction)
4) Money to pay off my debts
5) Santa to bring a boy-friend for me.. grinz
6) Levi's
7) Another pair of birks

That's all I can think of, I'm sure I'll update the list!

Have a great week!

Just for you!

2005-11-27T20:49:00.000+08:00

Just a couple of thoughts... about YOU..

Sometimes I'm speechless.
I don't know what to say or
put how I feel into words.
It's not that I'm really
into you as before,
just that
I don't know how chemistry
is working within us.

At this moment,
I feel happy the way things are.
I bet you wish things were much better.
Rather, a more secured friendship
or relationship,
which ever you call it.

Could things remain this way forever?

Friends maybe, though I do not know if a relationship will bring us any further.
I've put up with all your nonsense, perhaps, you put up more of mine.
When we talk, I often have nothing to say.
Guess we know each other in and out; just keeping the silence between us.

As I've mentioned before..and many times too.
You know what I've said too many times.
Don't wait for me. Cos I will just break your heart even more.
Hold me dearly as a friend, and I'll keep you in my heart.
Ultimately, be happy and I'll be happy for you too.

Know that, I'd be here whenever you need me.
I'll be your shoulder to cry on.
I'll be your ear to listen to your lame jokes.
What ever it is, I'll be here till the day I leave this planet.

Wishing ya, a Happy 21st Birthday!

2005-11-27T14:05:00.000+08:00

You Are Cream Pie

You're the perfect combo of simplicity and divinity
Those who like you life for understated pleasures

What Kind of Pie Are You?

2005-11-26T02:20:00.000+08:00

Time check: 2.20am

I'd better turn in soon. I've got tuition in the morning. Guess if I don't sleep now, I'd probably not get up for lesson or even last thru the day with eyes open.

5 days of studying passed too quickly to sit and relax one bit except to watch teevee the other night. My eyes are freaking tired possibly from all the strain of the eyes on the books.

I'd have to get thru this morning without falling asleep. After that, I gotta work really hard to cover last 2 chapters of stats and then revise. Feeling the strain. Really wanna pass.

Wish I could go on for the night but the body and eyes are weak.

I'd pray for the best.

2005-11-23T23:36:00.000+08:00

I seriously feel like strangling someone.

My tolerance level has just been terribly low these few days. So provoke me and I'll bite!

Sickening Financial Accounting project due tomorrow. No where near the end.

WTH!

2005-11-23T02:02:00.000+08:00

Let's see. It's late. I'm still awake. I wanna sleep.

These couple of nights have been really good to just sleep in and not wake up. In fact, getting up is especially difficult when you don't have to get up so early for school. On the other hand, if I had normal scheduled classes on days like these, I'd complain! So now, human beings are... well... I leave it to you to decide.

So. This is my study break. And I don't understand the university. It is understood that when it is the study break, student's are supposed to be studying, at least for their exams. However, there are so many tired looking students who still have presentations to go, reports still to hand up, etc.... So now, how do these people ever get studying done?

The other night I was in school till almost midnight. My friends and I were keeping our stuff in the lockers when we found someone else's locker not locked properly. So, we went to report to the security for them to handle the matter. After all the paperwork was done, I had a little chat with the officers.

"Got a lot of people stay in the building so late ah?" I asked (knowing the answer was yes, but just wanted to be kepo)

"Ya! Exams coming what?!", replied the officer, not amused at all.

"Huh?! All these people no need to sleep ah?", I responded.

He said... "They say they are studying, but actually some of them sleeping in the rooms.. like camping like that..."

Gosh!

I thought to myself. Already, I've not studied this hard all my life, what more to camp overnight in SCHOOL! How intriguing!